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Essays by KT

Reflection on Marriage

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TY 224

2 September 2008

Marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in the sacrament of matrimony.  Matrimony means the making of a mother.  Its purpose is to bring forth life both physically and spiritually and also to bring each other closer to God and to each other.  The ideal marriage requires the giving of each to the other freely, completely, unselfishly, and to no one else.  Most importantly, an ideal marriage requires both husband and wife to be one with God, and that in being one with God they may become one with each other.

My dream is that my marriage will reflect the love which Christ has for his Church: unconditional, self-sacrificing, and not self-seeking love.  I hope that my relationship in marriage is one in which we are willing to lay down our life for each other.  I also hope that we may have a loving relationship in which our love radiates and spreads for all to see, a relationship in which people ask what the source of our joy is.

The most important and basic expectation I have for our relationship in marriage is to fulfill God’s purpose for us in our marriage, both as individuals and as a couple.  I expect that my husband and I will have a loving and respectful relationship.  I know that we will have disagreements but I hope that we will not let that or anything else conquer our love for each other, but rather make us stronger, both as individuals and as a couple.  Beyond that I do not have a lot of expectations for a marital relationship because I really do not know what to expect.  I expect it to be an adventure, something that is new and exciting for both of us, a relationship in which we will experience new things together and overcome obstacles.

I expect that I will marry a Godly gentleman with a strong Catholic faith, someone who is prayerful and supportive.  I expect that we will have similar interests and beliefs but different expertise, so we may be compliments of each other.  I expect to marry an attractive man both inside and out, someone who is not afraid to look nice but also not overly worried about how he looks.  I expect to become best friends with this man before we even think about marriage. 

I expect I will marry a man who is not afraid to let me know when I am wrong, in a respectful way, but is also humble enough to admit when he is wrong.  I expect that my husband will be one who is forgiving and who is also willing to ask for forgiveness.  I also expect that he will be open with his feelings and good at listening.  I expect to marry a man whom I will love for who he is and who loves me for who I am.

I expect to marry someone who will help me to grow in my faith.  I also expect to marry someone who is uplifting and supportive, someone who doesn’t put me down but rather lifts me up.  I want to marry someone with a great sense humor, someone who appears confident in them self but is not afraid to admit their insufficiencies.  I look forward to laughing and crying together, being able to help and be helped. 

Since procreation is one purpose of marriage, I expect that my husband will be good with kids.  I expect to marry someone who will help me to create a stable home for children, whether God blesses us with our own or we are able to adopt.  I hope my husband will be open to the idea of possibly adopting kids and providing them with a loving home.  I also hope my husband is willing to open our house to people and to provide a safe, loving environment in which everyone feels welcome, a place where get-togethers can be hosted.

I expect that my husband will be fun-loving, enjoy music and sports, and care about his health.  It would be wonderful if he could play a musical instrument and enjoys singing praise and worship.  Being able to exercise and play sports with my husband is also something I look forward to.  I look forward to living a long healthy life and I therefore want to marry someone who cares for and takes care of his health, so that we can live a long healthy life together.

I hope that my husband will get along with my family and friends and that I will get along with his.  I expect to go to family reunions and family get-togethers regularly and show our children know who their relatives are.  I expect that there will be times when he wants to go out with his friends and I want to go out with mine, but I also expect that there will be times when we can go out with our friends.

I expect to marry someone who is not afraid to stand up for me and his beliefs, but who does so in a loving way.  Although I used to assume that my husband would be older than I am, it does not seem necessary for him to be so anymore.

I hope my husband will be open to traveling and learning about different cultures as well as passing these cultural experiences onto our children.  I hope to go on family trips regularly and not only teach our children about different places, but also show them and let them experience them.

I expect that we will be involved a lot with our parish and the Church and bring our children up in that environment.  I also hope my husband will be open to the possibility of doing missionary work. 

The thing I find the most attractive about marriage is the idea of having a steady best friend, someone who can share with me in knowing my ultimate best friend, Jesus.  I love the idea of having someone to constantly keep me accountable and pray with me and for me.  Someone who will bring me closer to God and whom I can bring closer to God is also an amazing gift.  I also look forward to knowing someone else who can help me grow and make me a stronger person.

I like the idea of being able to speak freely to my husband about my hopes, dreams, and fears, and to hear about his.  I expect that we will be open with each other about our feelings, and that if something bothers us, we will politely let the other know as soon as a problem arises so that it doesn’t have time to pile up.  I also love the idea of being able to grow together and strengthen our relationship with each other as well as with God.

As well as there being things that I find attractive about marriage, there are also things that I find intimidating and almost fearful about marriage.  One fear, although cliché and something I really look forward to in marriage, is something I am a little scared of, and that is commitment.  I am afraid my husband and my relationship will become less of a friendship and more of a family relationship, a relationship in which, to me, pet peeves become more prevalent.  I am afraid that I will not be open with my feelings and that small bothersome things will pile up and have a snowball effect.

I’m afraid I won’t be a good mother or a good wife.  I am afraid that I will not be able to bring my children up the right way.  My biggest fear about marriage though, is that I will put my husband before God, which would make the marriage a negative thing.

Over all, I look forward to marriage if that is the vocation God is calling me to.  If marriage is what God is calling me to, he will help me to overcome those fears.  Before getting married or even dating, I need to strengthen my relationship with him, my very best friend.  In doing this, my major fear of marriage will hopefully become non-existent and my other fears will hopefully be diminished.

Entering into a lifelong commitment with someone seems to be both an exciting and scary thing to everyone.  My hope is that my husband will have similar fears about marriage and that we will be able to overcome them prayerfully and logically together.  Knowing that it is something new for both of us is comforting, in that we will be able to overcome our fears and obstacles together and strengthen our relationship together.

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