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Essays by KT
Affirming Diversity
Which Way Home
Mis experiencias con español
La figura de la madre
La redención
Manifestations of the Divine Brahma
The Six Models of the Church
Affirmative Action
A Friend Is
A persuadir
Aprovecha el día
Armas de fuego
Asperger's Disorder
ASDs: Autism
Black Friday
Book Intro
Big Boys Dont Cry?
Cancion del pirata
Cell Phones
Cathedral Within
Change the World
Child Care
Civil Society
Christian Family
Organ Donation
Deanne Bray
Drug Testing
Faith in Narnia
Fast Food?
Guns and Games
Grenz Review
The Odyssey
I Am
Jesus the Christ
Keep the Laws!
La ciencia
La inmigración
Louis Braille
Marriage Reflection
Mi lugar de refugio
My Life (Erikson)
My Special Place
Reflection -Marriage
Romance sonámbulo
Public-service values
Semana Santa
Spe Salvi
Teen Suicide
Un Santo legendario
Better World
The Four Loves
"Jesus Freak" Picture
Mona Lupe
Mother of Jesus
Holy Eucharist
Religión en Niebla
The U.S. Economy
Todo es regalo
Trip to NY ...
True Friends
Una lección
Unlikeliest Friends
Santo legendario
Vs. and Verses
What's the Diff?
Walsh Review
Means to be Human
Million dollars

Yahweh (Part of "Book")

I of course must thank my best friend, God. I know that sounds cheesy but He's the only one who understands every part of me and loves me unconditionally, despite my doubts and constant failures, and even because of them. This whole book is ultimately about Him and His works through me (or rather His works through others who have had an impact on my life) but He deserves a chapter of thanks all to Himself. Actually he deserves much more chapters than I could even think about writing. Thanks for everything: for everything You've given me and will give me, for everything You haven't given me and won't give me, and for everything You've taken away from me and will take away from me. Thanks, and all glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I LOVE YOU!!
I had never really had anything major happen to me during adoration. The first time I went to adoration was at a Steubenville Youth Conference. I didn't remember ever even hearing about adoration and here I was in the middle of it. I had no idea what was going on or what I was supposed to do. I'd cry because I felt terrible about how poorly I'd treat my Lord and my savior, that and because that's what I felt I should do. Others were crying, some were laughing and some appeared as though they had no reaction. I felt like I should react somehow, then I would look "holy" but laughing hysterically wasn't me and besides, what did I have to be so happy about? I felt like I was constantly letting God down and it would take a couple days at a retreat to convince me go to confession. I couldn't forgive myself and I therefore didn't seek forgiveness from God.
It wasn't until my fourth year of going to the Steubenville Youth Conference in 2006 that I actually felt like I experienced something during adoration that I wasn't convincing myself that I was feeling. I closed my eyes and saw everything Christ went through for me. It was so real, just like I was there. I saw every fall He took, the crowd spitting at Him, the scourging, and I saw my Lord being nailed to that cross. I was there and all I could do was watch from a distance and cry. I realize now that that's how I've been. I've been like that crowd. I've been an observer which is fine (I learn from others mistakes), I've been a follower which is fine (I follow the Greatest) but I've been strictly those. I'd observe but when I'd see or hear something wrong I couldn't be enough of a leader to tell them that what they're doing's wrong. I'd watch from a distance (or just ignore it) and every time, I'd feel God tugging at my heartstrings, telling me to say something and whenever I ignored that, it felt like a piece of my heart was gone.

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